Perception Is Reality - Part Deux

Ahhh, the holiday season. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and during our absence this year, it was the time when the shit hit the fan. The way we work it is that each year Barney & I alternate which family we spend Christmas with, and this year we were with my family. As luck would have it, this is the year the Rubble family bullshit came to a head. In a way I'm sorry to have missed the show because now I have to form opinions on hearsay and not what I witnessed myself, however this issue is far from resolved so there will be more shit coming down.

I touched ever so briefly on this subject here, but I've barely scratched the surface.

Barney comes from a family of 4 children, 2 boys & 2 girls, and all siblings are married. Barney is the oldest child and so he has seen most of what went on in his family. Mom & Dad are both alive and well and involved to varying degrees in the lives of each of their 4 children, however one of the Sisters has been more dependant on the parents, both through her teen years and well into adulthood. This Sister wields the perceived power. The targets, those would be her parents, my in-laws (M & M).

Having married into this family, I know full well that there is history there deeper and more vast than I will ever know. I only have 10 years in with this clan, and the bullshit has been running deep since the Sister was a kid. The other siblings talk about how "L" is just that way and is just like that, and always has been and always will be. According to Barney trying to talk sense to "L" would be like banging your head against the wall. Nothing gets through to her.

The issue? Well, it's complicated, I guess. In a nutshell, M & M twist themselves into pretzels to meet the needs of, and satisfy the demands of their youngest daughter. They do this to the disgust and detriment of their other 3 children. The reason, I believe, is that they are afraid of the consequences should they fail to follow through. One possible consequence, as I understand it, was that they would not be allowed access to their Grandchild. Whether a real threat or just a perceived threat, I cannot say for sure, but an effective one nonetheless. It's to the point where M & M act like gatekeepers and not only run their own game with "L" but they also run interference on any actions the other 3 siblings would like to take. It's frustrating for them to not see the issues get addressed and I'm sure it feels to them like "L" is being rewarded for her bad behaviour. I believe it is only out of respect for their parents that the other 3 siblings have not taken a harder line with this. That goes for me too as I was going to give her a dose of medicine but got talked down.

From my perspective I do not believe that "L" could completely withdraw from her parents. She needs them too much to do her bidding. What is particularly perplexing to me is that back in the day, when this threat would have first arisen, she was completely and utterly dependant on them for everything. She was a teenage Mother, lived with her parents, was supported by her parents, needed her parents, and so how the hell could that threat actually carry any weight with M & M? I don't understand why anyone took this seriously, which brings me back again to perception = reality.

Over the holidays several things came up and decisions were made that broke the family into and "us" & "them" situation, with M & M trying to remain neutral and keep everybody happy. They basically twisted themselves into their usual pretzel shapes. Anyway, the result was that the "us" & the "them" went their separate ways, each making their own decisions and one of the results was that nobody spent Christmas together.

This past Boxing Day Barney's Brother & his Wife ( T & T) hosted an Open House. All branches of the family were present, except for us (still out of town) and "L"'s family. Apparently at some point "L"'s Husband showed up at the function, not to participate, but to say how "L" is fed up with all the gossip going around and he said "L" and M & M have to get together and deal with their problems. He states that SHE's tired of everyone talking behind her back and not communicating directly with her!

All of this bullshit was just too much for my SIL "T" to take and she let him have it with both barrels. She just laid it all out there and said what many of the rest of us have been thinking. Have I mentioned that I love my SIL? Seriously, she's a straight shooter and for this and for many other reasons, she's one of my favourite people.

Anyway, while "T" does not regret anything she said she does somewhat regret the manner & some of the colourful language used. (She & I are colourful people, the rest of the clan we married into, not so much).

And so we will now enter 2007 with nothing resolved, the air thick with all of the heretofore unsaid thoughts, and I'm interested to see where we end up.