Idiocy Abounds!

Time is short, as is my temper right now, so I’ll keep this brief.

If you have a yield sign, obey it. My horn is getting weak, as is my reluctance to let you run into me.

If there’s a pedestrian in the crosswalk, stop moving and let them finish crossing the road.

Pay attention to what is around you and act accordingly.

Don’t park in the middle of the road.

Don’t pull off the shoulder and into traffic without looking.

Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery store aisle while you peruse the merchandise with the other 2 generations of your family. It impedes traffic. I am traffic. I am also not impressed.

The words, “please excuse me” should be uttered before you push past me, leaving me looking jaw-agape in your direction. Don’t stand there and glare at me as if you have asked me to please move. You haven’t and I’m not going to.

Walk on the right side. It’s like driving. Keep to your side and don’t be surprise the next time I let you walk right into me. Also, that thing, where you walk up to me on the “wrong” side and stop right in front of me, waiting for me to go around you…it’s getting old. I hope you brought a book because I ain’t moving. You’re on the wrong side, YOU go around.

When backing up your vehicle, take a look around before you hurtle backwards. Very often there is something driving by behind you. Often it is me.

Disrespectful

Synonyms are;
aweless, bad-mannered, blasphemous, bold, cheeky, contemptuous, discourteous, disgracious, flip, flippant, fresh, ill-bred, ill-mannered, impertinent, impious, impolite, impudent, insolent, irreverent, misbehaved, nervy, profanatory, profane, rude, sacrilegious, sassy, saucy, smart-alecky, snippy, uncivil, unfilial, ungracious

More and more I’m experiencing what is best described as disrespectful drivers on the roads. I touched on it here and it has reared its ugly head, yet again.

Pull your head out of your ass and use it to shoulder check before you change lanes. Also, you driving sideways into me does not guarantee that I’ll slow down to let you in. Thus far it has been my reluctant choice to brake for you, so as to avoid body damage, however I’m on the verge of making a different choice. And as I’ve alluded to I the past, should you continue to pull that kind of shit, we will meet.

My "Jimmy" of yesterday was a blue Audi A4, plate CDS 339, who had to change lanes and get in front of me, even though he was beside me. I'll post his photo once I dump the pics out of my phone. I think this is exactly why camera phones were invented.

Dear Santa

I need a notepad for Christmas. Something small I can keep in my vehicle, for when I need to write down the license plate numbers of the morons around me.

I keep writing the info down on scraps of paper and on receipts and then I lose track of them.

I don't want to give the impression that things are improving out there on the roads. Because they're not. I just need a better system.

I'm Going To Kill This Little Fucker!!!!!!

On Saturday I went to a local mall to check something out on behalf of Barney. I arrived at the busier than hell mall and began to seek a parking spot. Finally I found a person who was leaving and after they pulled out of the spot I advanced towards it. I found myself in the same circumstances I outlined here and again, I decided to take the high road. I indicated to the advancing driver my intention to park in the newly vacated stall after he passed by, and what did he do? He pulled into the fucking parking spot! I seriously thought I was going to kill the little fucker. I laid on the horn, parked myself behind his vehicle, put my hazard lights on, took his picture with my camera phone and called him every name in the book for well over a minute (trust me, it's a long time to be cursing). Him? He hid in his car, secretively sneaking glances at me in his rear view mirror. I was THIS close to doing something that would have landed me an assault charge. Seriously. I haven't felt such rage in a long time. Even the miserable cow I referred to didn't piss me off as badly, probably because I hadn't made eye contact with her. This little fucker who I was going to kill, well that's a different story. He knew what was going on.

While still seething I drove around to snap yet another photograph of the front of his car, found a parking space and went into the mall. On my way towards the entrance door I spotted the little fucker who I was going to kill. He went into the store I was going into.

It took all I had left in me not to confront the little fucker. I decided to go about my business, find the item in question and get the hell away from the mall. To summarize; the item was out of stock and after standing in the line at the customer service counter per the instructions of a staff member (and against my better judgment), I was advised that "rain checks" would not be issued for the item in question. Arrrggghhhhhh!

I need to figure out how to get the pictures out of my phone and onto the computer. I need to do this so I can post the pictures. And also so I can get the license plate of the little fucker who I was going to kill. I've come up with a way around possible assault charges...and I'm ready to try it out.

Oh, and in future, when I see a parking space I want you'd better be ready to hit your brakes because I will be cutting you off from now on.

Jimmy

A group of my co-workers use the name “Jimmy” to generically describe employees who screw up. Here are my Jimmies of late;

302 BJB – Silver CRV – pulled the bully move of merging into the side of me, thereby forcing me to slam on my brakes in order to avoid the collision. There’s such a thing as shoulder checking and also manners, Jimmy! That you laughed about it afterwards further proves that you're just a teenaged asshole. That noise you heard...yeah, that was my horn.

647 GMK – some nondescript gold car with a real jackass behind the wheel. Lane changes over solid white lines, swerving all over the highway using all lanes to seek an advantage, all the while talking away on his cell phone. Pity you got stuck behind that slow car in the fast lane beside me. Way to go, Jimmy! Maybe you should try driving on the shoulder next time. Nard!

This last “Jimmy” really was a Jimmy. A white Jimmy, plate 565 FMB. This winner decided that tailgating the guy in front of me and flashing his lights from high to low beam would be a good way to advance his position…in the grid locked traffic. What the fuck did you think was going to happen for you there? Knob!

Vacation

I was recently on vacation. 3 weeks worth, actually. It was bliss. I spent my time in and around BC and I have to say, the further I got from home, the fewer "bad" drivers I found. Maybe it's that I was just more forgiving of the transgressions but honestly, no real "winners" stand out.

This is my third day back and as you'll see in my next post, a fuck-up a day keeps the low blood pressure away.