Perception Is Reality - Part Deux

Ahhh, the holiday season. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and during our absence this year, it was the time when the shit hit the fan. The way we work it is that each year Barney & I alternate which family we spend Christmas with, and this year we were with my family. As luck would have it, this is the year the Rubble family bullshit came to a head. In a way I'm sorry to have missed the show because now I have to form opinions on hearsay and not what I witnessed myself, however this issue is far from resolved so there will be more shit coming down.

I touched ever so briefly on this subject here, but I've barely scratched the surface.

Barney comes from a family of 4 children, 2 boys & 2 girls, and all siblings are married. Barney is the oldest child and so he has seen most of what went on in his family. Mom & Dad are both alive and well and involved to varying degrees in the lives of each of their 4 children, however one of the Sisters has been more dependant on the parents, both through her teen years and well into adulthood. This Sister wields the perceived power. The targets, those would be her parents, my in-laws (M & M).

Having married into this family, I know full well that there is history there deeper and more vast than I will ever know. I only have 10 years in with this clan, and the bullshit has been running deep since the Sister was a kid. The other siblings talk about how "L" is just that way and is just like that, and always has been and always will be. According to Barney trying to talk sense to "L" would be like banging your head against the wall. Nothing gets through to her.

The issue? Well, it's complicated, I guess. In a nutshell, M & M twist themselves into pretzels to meet the needs of, and satisfy the demands of their youngest daughter. They do this to the disgust and detriment of their other 3 children. The reason, I believe, is that they are afraid of the consequences should they fail to follow through. One possible consequence, as I understand it, was that they would not be allowed access to their Grandchild. Whether a real threat or just a perceived threat, I cannot say for sure, but an effective one nonetheless. It's to the point where M & M act like gatekeepers and not only run their own game with "L" but they also run interference on any actions the other 3 siblings would like to take. It's frustrating for them to not see the issues get addressed and I'm sure it feels to them like "L" is being rewarded for her bad behaviour. I believe it is only out of respect for their parents that the other 3 siblings have not taken a harder line with this. That goes for me too as I was going to give her a dose of medicine but got talked down.

From my perspective I do not believe that "L" could completely withdraw from her parents. She needs them too much to do her bidding. What is particularly perplexing to me is that back in the day, when this threat would have first arisen, she was completely and utterly dependant on them for everything. She was a teenage Mother, lived with her parents, was supported by her parents, needed her parents, and so how the hell could that threat actually carry any weight with M & M? I don't understand why anyone took this seriously, which brings me back again to perception = reality.

Over the holidays several things came up and decisions were made that broke the family into and "us" & "them" situation, with M & M trying to remain neutral and keep everybody happy. They basically twisted themselves into their usual pretzel shapes. Anyway, the result was that the "us" & the "them" went their separate ways, each making their own decisions and one of the results was that nobody spent Christmas together.

This past Boxing Day Barney's Brother & his Wife ( T & T) hosted an Open House. All branches of the family were present, except for us (still out of town) and "L"'s family. Apparently at some point "L"'s Husband showed up at the function, not to participate, but to say how "L" is fed up with all the gossip going around and he said "L" and M & M have to get together and deal with their problems. He states that SHE's tired of everyone talking behind her back and not communicating directly with her!

All of this bullshit was just too much for my SIL "T" to take and she let him have it with both barrels. She just laid it all out there and said what many of the rest of us have been thinking. Have I mentioned that I love my SIL? Seriously, she's a straight shooter and for this and for many other reasons, she's one of my favourite people.

Anyway, while "T" does not regret anything she said she does somewhat regret the manner & some of the colourful language used. (She & I are colourful people, the rest of the clan we married into, not so much).

And so we will now enter 2007 with nothing resolved, the air thick with all of the heretofore unsaid thoughts, and I'm interested to see where we end up.

Yer A Fucking Idiot!

Yes, those words have passed my lips more than 30 times while driving this holiday week. Oh my fucking god! I understand that not everybody is good at driving, but jesus christ! Smarten the fuck up!

At this time of year everybody who has access to a car is out there and driving it. 16 with no experience? 84 with no sight? more people than seat belts? unrestrained infants & children? Yes, I've seen it all, and most of it I've narrowly escaped.

My favourite move, and admittedly I did not know it was my favourite move when I started this post, was the ever loving right hand turn from the left hand lane...on the highway! Yes, this beauty happened to me on the snow covered highway by the little town of Princeton this week. Gotta love the elderly. I had followed her for a good 80 k, and when the highway reached town I decided to move to the outside lane, and she stayed put in the inside lane. All was well. Until she decided to turn right. right. in. front. of. me! I was too stunned to honk, too stunned to yell and in fact all I did manage to do was stand on my brake pedal and evade her advancing red Taurus. Did I mention there was snow on the highway? Fuck I thought I was going to paste her and she was completely oblivious. Only once she had completed her turn did she look back to see me, stopped sort of sideways on the highway, holding my head. I thought it was going to explode. Lady, yer a fucking idiot!

Lots O Thoughts

So many thoughts, so little blogging time. December is an absurdly busy month all by itself, but add to that the fact that I work in the transportation industry, and it just multiplies into its very own special kind of hell insanity. I've worked over 30 hours so far this week and I've only put 3 days in. My Christmas shopping was done last week so my evenings this week have been consumed with wrapping & preparing to ship gifts. Today I sent out 8 packages to 4 different locations in 2 different countries. I also arranged a Christmas luncheon for myself and 79 of my closest co-workers, and that took up a good chunk of my day.

I've had lots I wanted to say and I quite simply haven't had the time to put the thoughts onto the keyboard. The many topics include, but are not limited to; bad drivers (no shit eh?), Christmas shopping crazies, more assholes & their shopping carts, the things I know that apparently nobody else does (more on this later if I fucking remember), rock concerts & old ladies, life lessons & unbelievable actions & inaction of those around me. I swear, it's all good shit, but its now all jumbled in my head and therefore undecipherable, even to me. *sigh*

2 more days of work and I'll be on vacation for the better part of 2 weeks. Hallefreakinglujah! Until after we get back from visiting the 'rents I shall likely not have another fucking chance opportunity to share my thoughts. Betty, out!

What A Week

It’s been an interesting week.

There's a road hazzard in my neighbourhood who drives a marked company vehicle. He's a tool. He's an HOV cheater and shortly he's going to be getting a whole lot of negative attention. Where's my phone book?

On my way home from work on Friday there was a car accident. One that I should have seen coming, and yet somehow, I truly didn’t. It’s a bit of a confusing intersection, with 2 lanes in each direction. In one direction there are 2 through lanes, although you can make a left turn from the left lane. In the other direction one lane is a through lane, while the other is a mandatory right turn lane. Anyway, I was making a left turn from the left lane and while I was completing my turn the car immediately behind me was hit head on. I heard the horrific metal on metal crash and it was so loud I thought surely I’d been hit, but when I looked in my side view mirror I could see it wasn’t me. I pulled over, turned off my vehicle, put on my hazards and hurried over to see what the hell was going on. The car behind me was driven by a young woman, and on impact her airbags had deployed. When I reached her car it had filled with smoke and she was still sitting it, stunned and obviously in shock. Some man helped me wrenched her car door open and I got her out and took her over to the median to sit. I noticed her car was still pumping out smoke and realized it was still running. I went back and turned it off and grabbed her keys & her purse for her.

By this time there were a few of us trying to help and since traffic was essentially blocked one guy was trying to direct traffic. I went over to a guy driving a yellow cube van to see if he had a fire extinguisher. Again proving that it's a small world, the guy ended up being someone I used to work with. No extinguisher but he did call 911 for me.

By this time I noticed the driver of the other vehicle, a mini van, was out and wandering about. He was quick to talk about maybe being hurt but would not heed my suggestion to sit down and rest. He was much more interested in establishing blame. Shortly afterwards the emergency vehicles arrived and suffice to say that all departments were well represented. Since there was nothing else I could offer I left. I believe the guy who was directing traffic must have witnessed the accident and he stayed behind. I’m still dumbfounded about how this could have occurred within 10 feet of me, yet I never saw the oncoming vehicle. The only thing I can imagine is that the driver of the van had been in the right hand turn lane, and then cut over, illegally, to go straight, and the vehicle behind me thought the intersection was still clear. All I know for sure is that when I commenced my left turn there was nobody even close to me in the oncoming through lane. Nobody.

In other news, I found out last week that the Dad of one of my High School friends had died of cancer. My Mom is fighting cancer. The friend's Dad was my Dad’s age. It’s been 20 years since we graduated High School. Some things never change, nor some people. The guys who would hang out and drink in the parking lot in High School did that today in the parking lot of the funeral home. It was a very odd and yet familiar sight.

Today a group of 8 of us school friends gathered to attend the service for our friend’s Dad. I won’t say it was a memorial service because it felt more like a celebration of his life. I did not know the man, but by the end of the service I felt as though I had. I certainly knew more about his son, my friend. This passing of a parent is the beginning the inevitable. One day it will be my turn to talk about my parents and share the essence of who they were. I’m not ready.

The Three Things MeMe

Three things that scare me: spiders, driving on ice, change
Three people who make me laugh: Russell Peters, My Dad, my dog - yes, he's people
Three things I love: my family, Scottish accents, sleeping in
Three things I hate: bad drivers, asparagus, incompetence
Three things I don't understand: homophobia, algebra, how to play cricket
Three things on my desk: digital camera, old green glass insulator, my wallet
Three things I'm doing right now: wracking my brain, Christmas shopping, looking forward to the weekend!
Three things I want to do before I die: travel to Europe, put my photos into albums, live debt free
Three things I can do: anything (my Dad taught me that), shop, spell
Three things you should listen to: yourself, the ocean, opinions you respect
Three things you should never listen to: rumours, people telling you what you can't do, bigots
Three things I'd like to learn: my ancestry, a second language, to fly
Three favorite foods: ice cream, cherries, baby back ribs
Three beverages I drink regularly: water, milk, pop
Three TV shows I watched as a kid: JP Patches, Grizzly Adams, Bewitched

What to do with a MeMe: Copy the questions into a new post on your blog then answer them. I tag whoever else feels up to the task.

Are You All Fucking Stupid?

I swear everyone else on the roads today were fucking idiots! OMG!!!!!!

My personal highlight; a car that failed to observe their yield sign and just barely failed to sideswipe me. You know what? Swing your god-damned mother fucking head around and take a look over your shoulder! You leaning forward to look in your side mirror while leaning on the accelerator does not make for a smart move when I’m already occupying the lane. You just about gave me a heart attack when I saw you coming for me, and I’m sure I gave your pacemaker a good run for its money when I laid on the horn. And even then, you didn’t let up. Not really. You just looked stunned and kept going. You're gonna get killed!

Other observances of note;

• I was in heavy traffic on a main road when I heard a rig blowing its horn. Then traffic slowed to a crawl. When I got closer I could see that the outside lane was blocked by a rig, which had a brand new Honda hood ornament. The car must have pulled out in front of the rig, who obviously could not stop in time, and the car got T-boned.

• Some jackass turned onto the road in front of me and then swung over into my lane. I had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting him, but I figured that would be the worst of it. Nope. He proceeded to straddle 2 lanes, swinging back and forth for the better part of 2 blocks. I would never have tried to pass him, just because he was so erratic. Some other guy in a super cab pick-up truck had no qualms about blasting by the lane straddler at about 80 kms per hour. Ballsy. Really ballsy.

• Lots of HOV lane cheaters this week. I guess it's your choice to take your fucking chances on getting a ticket. How the hell would we all know you were so special if you didn't stand out like a sore thumb, all by yourself in the HOV lane. Retards!
  

My Husband’s Name

I’m going to preface this by saying this is not a rant about my husband or his family. They haven’t done anything wrong.

Little girls often dream about the day they’ll get married. They practise writing their potential new names, over and over. They test them out to see how they’ll sound. They try them on. If a woman gets married in her teens or early 20’s she might still be in that stage of practising her “new” name, and statistically speaking she likely will take her husband’s last name as her own. Nothing wrong with that. It’s probably been happening since the beginning of time.

When I got married I was not in my teens, nor my 20’s. I was 32. What to do about my “married name” was not so clear. I’d had my own name for a very long time. It formed part of who I was. I am an only child. There were not nieces & nephews to carry on my family name. I was it. Also, I’d been with my employer for a significant amount of time and a name change was tantamount to career suicide. My name got things done at work and I wasn’t entirely comfortable abandoning “me”.

My future husband told me it would please him very much if I took his name. He’s a pretty traditional guy about this kind of stuff. I suggested he take my name and his answer was “I don’t think so”.

What I decided to do was keep my name for work and use my husband’s name socially. If he had expressed no preference I probably would have just kept my name. I thought this was a good compromise, keeping true to myself while also honoring and respecting my husband and his family. It was a bit of balancing act in the beginning, and adjusting to change always takes time.

I got my passport before we got married because I needed it for our honeymoon, so it’s in my old name. I had invited some HR types from my workplace to our wedding and shortly afterward my paycheques & company benefits cards started coming in my new name, although I don’t recall filling out any such request. (See above, where I was keeping my old name for work) This caused some problems because much of what goes on at work is driven by the details HR keeps about us, and now I don’t match the name the system has for me. It’s confusing. My well established name in my company is valuable, but rather than upset the applecart I decided to not change it back and I just deal with the fallout as it comes.

After the wedding I changed some credit cards to my new name and as other things came up I would switch them to the new name. Not all, but most. When I showed up to renew my driver’s license I gave them my new name and a copy of my marriage certificate, but they said they couldn’t make the change without the original marriage certificate. Um…yeah, that’s an original document, which I will not fold up and shove into my purse, plus it costs $100 to replace. That baby stays in the house…somewhere. Them refusing to change my name did not negate the fact that I still needed to renew my license so I renewed it in my old name. Which meant my car insurance stayed in my old name.

I huffed around a well-worn copy of my marriage certificate for years to ease the confusion that arose when the name on my credit card didn’t match the name on my driver’s license. For that very reason, among others, I did keep a major credit card in my old name.

We bought our house before we got married, so my old name is on the title. When we recently renewed the mortgage I asked them to change the name on title to my new name, but to do so would have cost hundreds of dollars, so I left it alone.

Now, to the heart of what’s on my mind. I feel like “the system” is trying to erase me in favour of my husband, and here is the evidence to support my theory;

• When my now husband & I got our first mortgage and opened our joint bank account, at my bank, the representative put him as the primary on the accounts. He had never been their client whereas I had been with them for 12 years. He had no credit card with them (and in fact has no credit cards at all), but I did. He was not the one who negotiated the mortgage rates and was in monthly contact locking in rates. That was me. How they sold putting him as the primary was that he was older than me and when he reached age 65 we’d have reduced service charges. Whatever lady. Pretty presumptuous of you to think that 30 years from now we’d still be banking with you, but I let it go. Whatever.

• Several years ago we made plans to fly to my parent’s place for Christmas. I called the airline, I made the arrangements for my ticket in my old name (matches my ID) and my husband’s ticket in his usual name. I paid for both tickets on the credit card I held in my new name. The tickets were sent by mail to our home…to my husband’s attention! He didn’t make the arrangements and he didn’t make the payment, but somehow the airline saw fit to put his name on the envelope. My husband was unconcerned by this event. I was livid! I called the airline and reamed them out, firstly for not addressing the tickets to the purchaser, and secondly because if that trip had been a surprise they would have blown it right out of the water. Arrrggghhhhhhhhh!

• My husband & I share an eBay account. He’s much more active than I, but it is our account. We share the same first initial and so the account is set up with the initial and his last name. No he, no she, just a generic letter for a first name. Under our addresses in eBay we have one using the first initial/last name and another using both of our first names & our shared last name. When I do make a purchase on eBay and because I have a credit card I pay via PayPal. My PayPal account is in my new name and funded by my credit card in the same name. My PayPal account is not linked to our eBay account. My husband has a separate PayPal account. Every time I make a purchase and pay via my PayPal account the item arrives addressed to my husband. He didn’t make the payment and yet somehow the system sees fit to slap his name onto all of my purchases. Nobody at eBay or PayPal customer service was able to tell me why. Nor were they able to make it stop. Arrrggghhhhhhhh!

• The most recent incident and the reason I am so riled up about this again is that I just made a purchase via the Sear$ catalogue system. I called in the order. I provided them with my Sear$ credit card information, a card that I alone hold, in my new name. When I went to pick up the item I had ordered I found it was addressed to my husband. WTF?????? The counter person was of no assistance in explaining how this could have happened or how to correct it for future orders. Instead she directed me to call the catalogue number and speak to them. Which I did. For 15 minutes. According to "Carlos" the root of the problem seemed to stem from the fact that my husband’s name was linked to our home phone. I asked them to remove it. Carlos said their system would not allow it, and to get around it he suggested I provide an alternate number, which would be designated as the primary number with my name. Thinking this was great idea I rattled off my cell phone number. Mine. Remarkably different than my husband’s. Carlos came back and announced that his system linked the two numbers and that MY cell phone number was bringing up my husband’s name. I asked Carlos to unlink the numbers. He said their system would not allow it. I asked him to purge the entire profile and he said his system would not allow it.
  
  I don’t know if my husband has every ordered from the Sear$ catalogue, but I do know that he does not hold a Sear$ credit card. I do. I explained to Carlos that I was his client, not my husband, and that he needed to find a way to stop my orders from being shipped to my husband’s attention. He said he could not. I suggested that perhaps the only way his system would purge my profile was by becoming the worst customer ever and not paying my bills. No response. I offered to cancel my Sear$ credit card, if that would purge it from the system. But alas, if I ever opened up a new account it would link to the old and voila, there his name would be again. After a consultation with Carlos’s supervisor, Dwayne, it was determined that there is no way of getting around the fact that my orders will be sent to my husband’s attention. Thankfully the item in question was not for my husband, but again, if it was a surprise they would have blown it right out of the water. Arrrggghhhhhhhhh!

I feel like I’m living in the 1950’s for fucks sake!

I am not meek. I am not subservient. I am not a follower.

I was raised to be my own person and I am not pleased about being overlooked and disrespected. I probably wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if this were the 1950’s, if I were a different person or if I had gotten married as a younger woman.

As I said at the top of this post, this rant is not about my husband. It’s “the system”. He is not doing this, and from what he has said he does not believe these events carry any weight or meaning. But I do.

I Couldn't Believe My Ears!

I just called a business to see if they had a product in stock. The guy on the phone asked me to hold on for a second, and then I heard what sounded like a fountain. Then it stopped. And then it started again. Then it stopped. Followed by a flush!

The damn guy answered the phone in the middle of taking a piss! ROFL & eeewwwwwww.

Certainly won’t ask to borrow their telephone! LOL

Put Your Head On My ...

Hey! That merge lane you were in ended about 200 feet ago, and so now you and your little buddy are racing down what we commonly call the shoulder. Dumbass!

Oh yeah, and that traffic on the right up ahead? Yeah, that’s the next onramp’s merge lane and no, you going to the outside of that lane to drive on their shoulder is not a good idea.

Perception Is Reality

Have you ever watched as one person somehow managed to manipulate another and when you did the math you really have to wonder, "how come that worked?" I've recently been witnessing such behaviour and I've learned that percieved power is just as real as actual power, if your target is crippled by fear.

More on this later.

I Work With Children

Ok, I don't literally work with children, but the people I do work with behave as though they're 4. My office has 2 levels. Each level has a photocopier. All day long the upstairs people were coming downstairs to use the copier. Not too much of a big deal. Obviously the upstairs one was being used for a big job and was occupied. Nope. That wasn't it at all. In fact, the upstairs copier did not work. Jammed or some other nonsense, rendering it useless until the service technician could come out to look at it. When would that happen? Never! Never, because none of the fucking morons upstairs called for service. Not the HR Dept, not the Sales Dept, nor any of the other allegedly capable people on the second floor managed to put 2 & 2 together and try and get their machine fixed. Nope. It was so much easier to go up and down the stairs all day. How do these people hold down jobs?

Just how challenging is it to place a service call, you might be wondering? Well, you call the telephone number on the machine, quote them another number on your machine and tell them what's wrong. That’s it. That’s all.

Even, at the end of the business day, when one of the evil geniuses upstairs DID decide it would be a good idea to place a service call, they didn't do it themselves. No. The rocket scientist called the Receptionist downstairs and asked her to place a service call. And as if the above was not fucking stupid enough, the upstairs person then had to go to the copier and recite all of the pertinent details to the Receptionist and describe for her the problem. It would have been simpler for the upstairs person to just call the copier place themselves.

It amazes me that these people can find their way to the office everyday. I work with fucking incompetents.

You STUPID bitch!

On my drive in to work this morning I noticed a car behind me that was way too close. So close that I could not see its headlights. So close that their only view was up my tailpipe. Whatever. The only way to fix it would have been to slam on my brakes, have them hit me, and then there’s paperwork and inconvenience, etc. So I let it go. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

Our lane merged onto another street, with two lanes. We both swung over to the left lane. There was one vehicle ahead of me…plus one crosswalk & one pedestrian. The roads were wet. I saw the pedestrian before I saw the vehicle ahead of me brake, so I applied my brakes and slowed to allow him, the pedestrian, to finish crossing the street. The guy ahead of me saw him too and stopped. This all happened very quickly. Too quickly for the STUPID bitch who had her nose up my tailpipe, to stop. After skidding and swerving behind me the STUPID bitch decided to deek to the right to avoid my ass end, and carry on through the crosswalk. OMFG! If not for the fact that the pedestrian had already partially crossed the road, he surely would have been killed!

I seriously (like really seriously) considered pursuing the STUPID bitch so I could tell her exactly what I thought of her. I decided against it because, at best, it would have ended with me kicking the shit out of her and her car.

I hope Karma looks after this STUPID bitch, and quickly. In the meantime, I’ll be keeping an eye out for her myself.

"Rumour Has It You Have A Small Dick"

Well, seems the word got out.

Spam. Rumour. What's a girl to do?

This One Is Mine

This is my lane. That, over there, is your lane. I'm sorry there's shit happening that makes you unhappy with your lane, but that doesn't make it ok for you to come over into MY lane! It's mine.

That car's that's turning ahead of you? You'll just have to wait.

The cyclist in your lane? You'll just have to wait for an opportunity to pass that does not involve you hitting me head on.

That parked car on your side of the road. Yeah, that's unfortunate, but again, not my problem so quit swinging in to my lane.

This one is mine, so stay out!

Snarky Little Bitches!

Today was the day for snarky little bitches. I'm not sure if it's the season or just that the Retail workforce is rife with them, but man they were out in force today!

In one department store I sought out a "Sales Associate", (read 16-year old kid) to bring something down from the top shelf. I had already checked the lower shelves for the size I sought, and it was not there. I had also spied the stepladder and considered just using it to get the item myself, but decided against it. Stupid me. Anyway, I found the Associate, told her I had searched the lower shelves for said item, it wasn't there, and asked her to please bring one down from way above.

She then proceeded to check the very shelving I had just checked and said I had checked. I advised her that she was now double checking, to which she replied, "yeah, but I saw one here yesterday....". What the hell was that? Hello? Child, I just told you it wasn't there! Weren't you listening? *smack*

My second little darling was a cashier's helper at a warehouse store, who had not one ounce of friendliness about her and barked out orders like a sergeant. Who the hell do you think you are, Princess? Piss off you little cow!

I had left a large item in my cart, and I had also left down the shelf (where you'd seat a kid). I use the shelf. I like it to be left down. I wish everyone would quit fucking with my shelf. Anyway, she slammed that puppy shut, glared at me, shoved the large item to the back of my cart and threw the rest of my items haphazardly into the cart. Hmph!

If you know me you'll know that this is not the type of shit I just sit back and take. Once I was done my transaction I removed the items from my cart, shoved the large item to the front of my cart, slammed the shelf back into position and reloaded my cart, all the while glaring at the snarky little cow. Hmph!

Idiocy Abounds!

Time is short, as is my temper right now, so I’ll keep this brief.

If you have a yield sign, obey it. My horn is getting weak, as is my reluctance to let you run into me.

If there’s a pedestrian in the crosswalk, stop moving and let them finish crossing the road.

Pay attention to what is around you and act accordingly.

Don’t park in the middle of the road.

Don’t pull off the shoulder and into traffic without looking.

Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery store aisle while you peruse the merchandise with the other 2 generations of your family. It impedes traffic. I am traffic. I am also not impressed.

The words, “please excuse me” should be uttered before you push past me, leaving me looking jaw-agape in your direction. Don’t stand there and glare at me as if you have asked me to please move. You haven’t and I’m not going to.

Walk on the right side. It’s like driving. Keep to your side and don’t be surprise the next time I let you walk right into me. Also, that thing, where you walk up to me on the “wrong” side and stop right in front of me, waiting for me to go around you…it’s getting old. I hope you brought a book because I ain’t moving. You’re on the wrong side, YOU go around.

When backing up your vehicle, take a look around before you hurtle backwards. Very often there is something driving by behind you. Often it is me.

Disrespectful

Synonyms are;
aweless, bad-mannered, blasphemous, bold, cheeky, contemptuous, discourteous, disgracious, flip, flippant, fresh, ill-bred, ill-mannered, impertinent, impious, impolite, impudent, insolent, irreverent, misbehaved, nervy, profanatory, profane, rude, sacrilegious, sassy, saucy, smart-alecky, snippy, uncivil, unfilial, ungracious

More and more I’m experiencing what is best described as disrespectful drivers on the roads. I touched on it here and it has reared its ugly head, yet again.

Pull your head out of your ass and use it to shoulder check before you change lanes. Also, you driving sideways into me does not guarantee that I’ll slow down to let you in. Thus far it has been my reluctant choice to brake for you, so as to avoid body damage, however I’m on the verge of making a different choice. And as I’ve alluded to I the past, should you continue to pull that kind of shit, we will meet.

My "Jimmy" of yesterday was a blue Audi A4, plate CDS 339, who had to change lanes and get in front of me, even though he was beside me. I'll post his photo once I dump the pics out of my phone. I think this is exactly why camera phones were invented.

Dear Santa

I need a notepad for Christmas. Something small I can keep in my vehicle, for when I need to write down the license plate numbers of the morons around me.

I keep writing the info down on scraps of paper and on receipts and then I lose track of them.

I don't want to give the impression that things are improving out there on the roads. Because they're not. I just need a better system.

I'm Going To Kill This Little Fucker!!!!!!

On Saturday I went to a local mall to check something out on behalf of Barney. I arrived at the busier than hell mall and began to seek a parking spot. Finally I found a person who was leaving and after they pulled out of the spot I advanced towards it. I found myself in the same circumstances I outlined here and again, I decided to take the high road. I indicated to the advancing driver my intention to park in the newly vacated stall after he passed by, and what did he do? He pulled into the fucking parking spot! I seriously thought I was going to kill the little fucker. I laid on the horn, parked myself behind his vehicle, put my hazard lights on, took his picture with my camera phone and called him every name in the book for well over a minute (trust me, it's a long time to be cursing). Him? He hid in his car, secretively sneaking glances at me in his rear view mirror. I was THIS close to doing something that would have landed me an assault charge. Seriously. I haven't felt such rage in a long time. Even the miserable cow I referred to didn't piss me off as badly, probably because I hadn't made eye contact with her. This little fucker who I was going to kill, well that's a different story. He knew what was going on.

While still seething I drove around to snap yet another photograph of the front of his car, found a parking space and went into the mall. On my way towards the entrance door I spotted the little fucker who I was going to kill. He went into the store I was going into.

It took all I had left in me not to confront the little fucker. I decided to go about my business, find the item in question and get the hell away from the mall. To summarize; the item was out of stock and after standing in the line at the customer service counter per the instructions of a staff member (and against my better judgment), I was advised that "rain checks" would not be issued for the item in question. Arrrggghhhhhh!

I need to figure out how to get the pictures out of my phone and onto the computer. I need to do this so I can post the pictures. And also so I can get the license plate of the little fucker who I was going to kill. I've come up with a way around possible assault charges...and I'm ready to try it out.

Oh, and in future, when I see a parking space I want you'd better be ready to hit your brakes because I will be cutting you off from now on.

Jimmy

A group of my co-workers use the name “Jimmy” to generically describe employees who screw up. Here are my Jimmies of late;

302 BJB – Silver CRV – pulled the bully move of merging into the side of me, thereby forcing me to slam on my brakes in order to avoid the collision. There’s such a thing as shoulder checking and also manners, Jimmy! That you laughed about it afterwards further proves that you're just a teenaged asshole. That noise you heard...yeah, that was my horn.

647 GMK – some nondescript gold car with a real jackass behind the wheel. Lane changes over solid white lines, swerving all over the highway using all lanes to seek an advantage, all the while talking away on his cell phone. Pity you got stuck behind that slow car in the fast lane beside me. Way to go, Jimmy! Maybe you should try driving on the shoulder next time. Nard!

This last “Jimmy” really was a Jimmy. A white Jimmy, plate 565 FMB. This winner decided that tailgating the guy in front of me and flashing his lights from high to low beam would be a good way to advance his position…in the grid locked traffic. What the fuck did you think was going to happen for you there? Knob!

Vacation

I was recently on vacation. 3 weeks worth, actually. It was bliss. I spent my time in and around BC and I have to say, the further I got from home, the fewer "bad" drivers I found. Maybe it's that I was just more forgiving of the transgressions but honestly, no real "winners" stand out.

This is my third day back and as you'll see in my next post, a fuck-up a day keeps the low blood pressure away.

You're Not The Only Ones

This is to the morons who abandon their shopping carts in the middle of store aisles, with their kids & their grandparents in tow; you're not the only ones in the store! I'm sick and fucking tired of waiting for you to realise that you are causing a traffic jam. I'm also sick of pushing your fucking shopping carts out of the way so that I and others can get by. There are other people in the store. It's not just about you. Wake the fuck up!

You Miserable Cow!

Last week I was driving through a parking lot in Washington State when I had an experience that makes me wonder how some people were raised. I was looking for a parking spot and had located someone who was backing out. In order to get to my intended spot I needed to cross in front of oncoming traffic, and because I have manners, I decided not to cut-off the Lexus that was heading in my direction. I signaled my intention and waited for them to drive by, but alas, the Lexus driver was not raised to have manners...

"You miserable cow!", is what I hollered out my window in the direction of said Lexus, as the driver pulled into my intended parking spot. Thanks a lot you weathered old bag! Who the hell taught you to be like that???

I have not totally given up hope that there are still some considerate people out there, but the grey haired bag driving the silver Lexus, with the Washington State license plate 761 FRS, sure as hell ain't one of 'em. Old enough to know better, indeed.

99% Of The Way There

I was out shopping today and observed a woman unload her shopping cart into her vehicle and walk the cart over to quite near where the carts are supposed to be returned to. But instead of turning the cart so it would be in line with the rest of the carts, she just left it in front of the line. She was 99% of the way there. Why the hell didn't she just turn the cart? I don't understand going to that much effort and then to stop at the very last possible moment. Odd.

Tap.............................Tap

This morning I arrived at work a little bit early, as is the norm since school went back in and I need to leave earlier to beat avoid the masses. I was in the parking lot reading my newspaper when a vehicle parked beside me. I made note that it was the Sales manager and resumed reading my paper.

He got out of his SUV and closed the front door. He then went to the driver’s side rear door and opened it, presumably to get his briefcase etc. That was when I felt it. *tap*

I stopped reading and asked myself, “Did he just hit my vehicle with his door?” I looked in my sideview mirror and it sure looked like his door was touching my door. Buuuuut, then discounted it, because surely he saw me sitting in my vehicle and would not do such a thing while I was right there, and maybe it was just my imagination. And then it happened again. *tap*

Ok, now I knew it had happened, twice in fact, and the question now became, do I have that most uncomfortable conversation and call him out on it, or do I play it safe and let it go.

Fuck it! This is the kind of shit that usually happens with no witnesses and you, like I, usually return to find your door dented or some paint scrape left by an inconsiderate knob.

So….after another second of consideration I opened my rear passenger window, greeted him and asked him to please not hit my vehicle with his door.

He said “I didn’t”.

I said “You did…twice…and I felt it”.

He said, shaking his head all the while, “Then I’m sorry. I made an effort not to”, in a tone that suggested it was better to just say sorry than argue. Clearly he did not think he had hit me in the slightest.

Honestly, it was not the level of contact that would likely result in body or paint damage, but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

This is the kind of thing that I would probably have just let slide in the past. And considering just how uncomfortable it has potentially now made my working relationship with this person, maybe that’s just what I should have done. But I’m just not that person anymore.

School's Back In

Doesn't mean as much as it did when I was actually in school, but I do notice it. It inconveniences me. More bodies milling about, more morons on the road, those who wouldn't "normally" venture out do, and they are clueless. Hopefully everyone will settle the hell down in the next few weeks and my commute can get back to normal.

Have you noticed the skirts of private school girls? What the hell is up with the skirts? I know the stereotypical male fantasy about the school girl costume, but I'll be damned if the real thing isn't almost pornographic. And you know what? If you're an adult and you want to wear crotch revealing skirts...well, then I guess that's your prerogative, but I'm talking about girls. 12 & 13 years old. Hell, it would be wrong at 17 years old, but I digress.

Why the hell don't the parents or someone at the schools take a look at the uniforms and realize that these children are walking about advertising their goods? Eye catching indeed.

How Fast Do You Think You Are?

How fast must you think your vehicle to be to pull out in front of me when I'm going highway speed and you, you are starting from a standstill?

Happened this past weekend on a major highway. There were literally 2 seconds between me and the person ahead of me, each of us doing 100k/hr and somehow you decided that there was enough room for you to get in the act. WRONG!!!!

Likewise, on the way home today on the highway, my lane was moving along at speed, the other lane at a standstill due to left turn lane backup. What the hell were you thinking, pulling out of your lane and into mine? Did you not see me? I'll answer that one for ya, and no you did not. If you had you wouldn't have done it. You drive a sub-compact piece of shit and I drive an Explorer, with extraordinary brakes, as evidenced by the fact that I did not paste you. I wasn't real fond of the screeching and the fishtailing, but I figured that would be better than scraping the mess off of my grill. You should be dead.

Unless you're packing a hit of nitrous and are going to use it, don't do that shit.

Where's my amnesty day?

THE Corner

Do you have a place where bad things repeatedly happen to you while you're driving? I do. It's the corner just up from my house. It has become THE corner. The one where people try and kill me.

My street would be considered the main street and the intersection concerned involves a short 1-block street, notably close to several schools. Countless times while I am driving down my street have jackasses pulled out of the short street and right into my path. I really cannot count the number of times I have almost been hit at this intersection. People pull out, turning left and directly into my path. People pull out to turn right and totally cut me off, to the point where I am at a dead stop in the intersection, wondering "what the hell was that?".

I've taken to driving on the wrong side of the street as I pass by this intersection, if only to allow myself more time to evade the fucktards who will inevitably pull out from the short street. I also make a point of taking a deep breath as I approach, just so I won't be caught thinking about breathing while I evade the next jerk-off to come barreling at me. It has changed who I am, it pisses me off and I'm tired of the anxiety.

I'm waiting for my day of amnesty so I can say "fuck it" and just take the hit.

Amnesty

I need a day of it. I want just one day where I don't twist myself into a vehicular pretzel avoiding your dumbass mistakes. Really, I just want to follow through and hit you when you can't negotiate a corner, can't park properly, can't change lanes properly, can't merge worth a shit, make bad lane change choices, yield when you should be merging, dart out in front of me & drive too fucking slow in the fast lane. It's as simple as that. I want you morons to feel the consequences of your actions. I'm not looking to kill you, despite that fact that on many occasions only by the grace of my driving skills have you been allowed to escape with your life. I'd like a day off of being your savior on the road and just let the fenders & bumpers fall where they may.

I'm tired of looking out for you. Really, really tired.

.ca vs .com

"The Websense category "Sex" is filtered"

Well, there you have it. A message that blocks my access to my little place on the net, as it were. I’m not blocked everywhere, just from work.

I think it has to do, not with what is at the site I’m trying to access, but what lies at a similarly named site, save for the .ca vs .com.

So, for the sake of 2 letters I am denied access to my little happy place. I hope this passes. Good thing I still have access to the help wanted classifies...

I've Got Your Number....

...and I'm calling it!

That's right! If you're foolish enough to drive like a moron with your company's name & number all over your vehicle, then I'm going to give them a jingle. I've recently taken to calling up bus and taxi dispatchers to tell them exactly how badly some of their drivers are representing their company in the real world.

Mr. Taxi driver, who changed lanes through the marked crosswalk, and Mr. Bus driver, who made no less than 6 lanes changes in a 1 km stretch of highway, you are both morons, however your dispatchers are lovely people who took the time to listen to me complain about your foolishness.

So, you there, in the company vehicles, who are driving like knobs...I've got your number and I'm going to use it.

"Baby On Board"

You've seen the signs. Surely you have. They're everywhere, on practically every vehicle. Baby on Board..Child in Car, you get the idea.

What I want to know is what are you hoping will happen when you display that sign? What's the purpose? What are you trying to achieve?

By all means, display your plastic signs if you like but the way I see it there are two kinds of drivers out there on the roads with you and your signs;

1) The type of driver who goes about their business, drives like a normal person, understands the rules of the road, pays attention to what goes on around them and wouldn't intentionally place another’s vehicle in harms way. These people are aware.

2) The type of driver who behaves like “me first” at any cost, I want what I want when I want it and I don’t care who’s in my way or what I have to do to get there and I’m more important than you. A common bully. These people have no concern for the wellbeing of others, are ignorant, opportunistic and oblivious.

By my calculations the type “1” driver is not going to change their style because of the type of passengers you carry in your car. They’re already doing the right thing by you on the road, regardless of who is in your vehicle.

The type “2” driver is a fucktard, unwilling or unable to respect other people and they have no clue how reckless they are. There is no reforming these people and they do not give a shit about anybody but themselves. Period.

My Cruise Control Reveals Your Lack Of Driving Skill

My current vehicle has cruise control & is an automatic. Two features I’ve never had in a vehicle before. I went from changing gears and accelerating on my own to a vehicle that could practically drive itself and only recently have chosen to sometimes relinquish speed control. Hell, I'm behind the wheel so I might as well do something.

While highway driving it is just amazing to me how bad some people are at maintaining a consistent speed and I would not really realize it if it were not for the cruise control. I set my speed and go while others are speeding up and slowing down all over the place. I’m constantly on the brakes or changing lanes to accommodate for the inconsistent or otherwise incompetent. I wonder if I used to be like that? Actually, I don't care if I was. Now everybody else is really annoying me!

NARDS!!!

It’s an old expression that resurfaced in my vocabulary this past weekend. I don’t recall exactly what it meant back in the day, but this weekend it referred to a combination of “knobs” & “retards” on the road. Gawd there were so many of them I can’t even recall the specifics now…except for one…

This past weekend a friend & I went Stateside for a daylong shopping trip, with the majority of the trip being highway driving. On the return trip we encountered the subject of this post. A young lady in a blue Rav 4, pretty obviously a new driver based on her “10 & 2” hand positioning, was also headed home. I drive at the speed limit or a little bit above it, and so generally I’m passing people, or at minimum, moving with the flow of traffic. Being an experienced driver I know to watch the road ahead for slow pokes, on/off ramps & the popo. The young lady was not as savvy…nowhere near in fact.

I set the cruise and we headed on our merry way home. I’m well aware of the law about keeping right except to pass, but as I was doing just above the speed limit, myself and about ½ the others on the road were in the left lane, moving along quite nicely and likely using cruise control.

So I’m driving along in the fast lane, going with the flow of traffic, and Miss Rav 4 is behind me in the slow lane, advancing quite rapidly, only to be slowed by traffic merging from an onramp, and so over she comes into the fast lane, gets by the mergers and back over to the slow lane. And again, she advances quickly up to almost beside me, and again, is slowed by traffic in the slow lane. This time she clues in and stays in the fast lane and is moving along behind me, but then her speed drops off and she slides back over to the slow lane. Then her speed picks up and again she sling shots herself back up beside me, to the point where I think she’s actually going to pass me this time, but alas, again she is slowed by the merging traffic. She swings over to the fast lane, only to find herself going slower than the merging traffic, and so she slides back over to the slow lane. And so it went…continually…for upwards of 30 miles. She actually became a distraction to my driving and it became a game for my passenger and I to guess when Miss Rav 4 would make her next lane change. I swear she made no less than 50 lane changes in about 20 miles, always ending up directly behind me. And so, if you see a young lady in a blue Rav 4, license plate 898 HCX, considered yourself warned and enjoy the sport of watching her flounder about as we did.

Random Morons

Friday, August 11th – to the moron driving the red Pacific Salmon Commission vehicle; the HOV lane is for 3+ people in your vehicle. It’s not there so that “special” people, alone in their vehicle like you, can go faster than the rest of us.

Since I don’t think you’re capable of behaving like a normal person, how about you save the fucktard driving for your own personal vehicle, and not when you’re out driving the MARKED Pacific Salmon Commission car. Moron!

Monday, August 14th - to the moron driving the white Chevy p/u, license plate 1984 HX – in order for me to know that you want to merge, you have to;

a) be ahead of me and
b) use your indicator so that I can see what it is you want.

Thanks for just about sideswiping me this morning to indicate your lane preference. I’ll be watching for you next time and if you try that shit again we are going to meet. Moron!

"N" = Not Very Good At This

A few notes;

• to the "N"ew driver in the green p/u from this morning; that sweeping 3-lane change you think you smoothly executed at 120k...yeah, not so much. You left a sea of evasive driving maneuveres and brake lights in your wake, asshole

• that space on the outside of the single lane is called a "shoulder". It is not an extra lane made just for you to drive in. Get the fuck back behind me and wait your damned turn, you knob

• I get that you're in a hurry, but to ride someones ass until they make their turn and to then floor it through the RED light was so not cool

“Please Leave Me Feedback”

eBay sellers of the world, I’m fucking sick and tired of getting this request from some of you! I’m not much into eBay but when I’m there I am most often a buyer. From the way I’ve been spoken to lately it seems “feedback” is now a hotly guarded commodity, very precious and not to be given unless you get it first. WTF?

As with most things in this world, there is a natural progression through most eBay transactions. The seller lists an item. The highest bidder at the end is successful, and must pay for the item. The seller will then ship the item. The receiver then acknowledges receipt of said item. Here’s where things go awfully wrong, IMO.

1.If, as the buyer, I pay you and you deem my payment to be satisfactory, then I have fulfilled my obligation as a buyer and you ought to leave me feedback for making proper payment.

2. Once I receive the item you send me and I deem it to be as described and shipped in a timely manner, then I should leave feedback for you, for fulfilling your obligations as a seller.

What’s happening now is that the minute I make payment, but before the item is received, I get email from morons sellers, the likes of the following;

“Thank you for purchasing “X”. Please leave feedback for me on eBay and I'll do the same for you. Take this opportunity now and help build a better eBay community.”

And these 3 gems, all from “Gary”;

“I will ship out your package today please give feedback and I will do the same."
“Hi, don't forget feedback”
“I don't give feedback anymore ahead of time because out of 30 feedbacks that I give I get only 10 back this is from past experience. I always give feedback to those who give me feedback.”

Fuck off already and quit sniveling for feedback when I haven’t even received fucking item yet! Give your head a shake! It should be enough that I am, once again, yelling “what the hell was that” into thin air as I read these messages, but alas, I can no longer let it go and I have to respond;

“I haven't forgotten feedback, but it seems you might have overlooked leaving me feedback upon your receipt of my payment. I fully intend to leave you positive feedback as ours was a smooth transaction. Please extend me the same courtesy.”

“Hi Gary,

That you presume to judge me on the deeds of others bothers me to no end. As I have never wronged you I am appalled that you’ve given yourself the right to call into question my integrity.

It is my belief that the feedback tool should be used by members as a transaction progresses chronologically. Once a portion of the transaction is completed the quality of it should be reported on, i.e. feedback left. I feel it’s a logical position to take as well as an honorable way in which to conduct business.
Regardless of how I feel about the position you’ve taken with regard to holding feedback hostage, the fact of the matter (and we should both be dealing with the facts) is that ours was a smooth transaction, and as such I have left you feedback to that effect, as I always indicated I would.

What a disheartening end to an otherwise lovely transaction.”

You know what? I get that feedback = reputation, and that some people in this world will screw you over for a nickel, but get over it already. It’s not important enough to beg for, and how dare you even bring up me leaving you feedback when I’ve already paid you and you haven’t even shipped the damn thing out to me! Quit wasting my fucking time. I have better things to do than tune-up the likes of you!

The Arrogance of Entitlement

Who the hell do you think you are and what the hell was that? How the hell to some clowns decide that their time and their life is more valuable than mine? I mean really, I must have missed the fucking memo, because clearly you are far and above the rest of us, you dinks! Picture this; you're driving downhill on winding single lane highway, with signs everywhere saying "do not pass". The oncoming traffic coming up the winding highway has two lanes. You get that it's winding, right? There's a slow moving vehicle (semi, 5th wheel, bus or what not) crawling down the hill with a line of traffic backing up behind. If you're behind the slow mover then the right thing to do is take a deep breath, drop down a gear or two and suck it up while waiting for a passing lane, or for the guy to pull over or for the solid double line to become a broken line, at which time you might be able to safely pull out to pass. Did any of the above happen today, uhhhhh...no. Instead of driving like normal people, no less than 6 drivers decided that they were entitled to take lives into their own hands and pass the slow mover by pulling into the oncoming lane, with oncoming traffic veering out of the way, so that they, the arrogant bastards that they are, didn't have to be inconvenienced. And I'm not just talking about the usual testosterone laden sports car that sling shots out of nowhere, I'm talking about pick-up trucks hauling trailers. Come on you assholes! What the fuck is that about? I don't give a rats ass if you crash and burn in a pile by yourself, but how superior you must be to take those chances with other people's lives? Arrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I would have posted the license plate numbers of all the jackasses I encountered today, but I think that would have been too much of a burden for Blogger.

My American friends, particularly those drivers from Washington State. I have been to your lovely State and seen the informative highway signs that say "keep right except to pass". It's the law in your State, and good idea here too. So why on earth do you feel the need to drive in the left lane, below the posted speed limit, when the ever so empty right lane is available for your use? Why?

So Here's The Thing...

If I have to adjust what I'm doing in order not to hit you, then you've done something wrong. I'm talking about lane changes, backing up, turning, etc. If you make a turn and can't get up to speed before I am on your ass, then you've made a bad choice. It's really as simple as that. I'm not talking about places where traffic has to merge, because hello, dumbasses, that means we have to work together to get two lanes smoothly turned into one, and I am onboard with that alternating thing. However, if I have to hit the brakes or take evasive driving maneuvers, while yelling "What the hell was that!!!" then you are in my bad books and may well make it into this blog.

As an aside, merge & yield signs do not mean the same thing, but I'll get into that another time.

Crack Heads!

There's a problem in my neighbourhood. A rental house owned by a slumlord. First came the hillbiliies the with barking dogs, and then came the revolving door of subletters downstairs from the hillbillies. Loud parties, cops attending occasionally, mattresses out front of the property, broken down vehicles on the lawn... need I go on?

Six months ago the hillbillies moved to Antigua (or some shit) and in moved a decent couple with two kids. They wanted to rent the whole house, but alas no, the slumlord wouldn't hear of it and proceeded to rent the downstairs out to no less than 3 different groups of people in 6 months. I say groups because there were probably only supposed to be 2 people in there, but hey, if you can fit six , good on ya. Flop house is about right.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I noticed the decent couple moving out. Alas, they can take no more of the slumlord and have found themselves a better gig. The breaking point, as I found out, was that not only were the knobs downstairs smoking in the house (a no-no) they were smoking....crack. Yes, crack heads smoking the shit in the house = bad for decent neighbours. And so they got the fuck out and I don't blame them in the least.

And so tonight, in some sort of celebration or perhaps over indulgence in the crack, the alleged 2 people downstairs brought their 5 selves outside, to the driveway, and proceeded to cause a "domestic disturbance". What the hell was that? Some young woman hits somebody else, 2 crazed grown women are hollering at each another one dog runs loose, and two cop cars arrive. The placing of one young woman into the back of cop car #1 drives the lone male to hurl a lighter (a crack head staple) at the cops, resulting in said male being placed in the back of cop car #2.

The catch to this whole thing, and I know it's been awhile to get here, is that the fucking slumlord is himself...a cop! Way to go, fucktard!

Lane Change 101

Ok, so riddle me this; Why do you choose to change lanes by crossing over a solid line? Don't you realise that to do so is illegal? Stupid? Unnecessary? Gah!!!! You change lanes over a solid line and then don't even take the next exit. So your need to change lanes was, aside from being illegal, not even a fucking emergency? What the hell was that? Fucking idiot!

What The Hell Was That?

It's a question I hear myself asking a lot lately. Granted, I'm usually driving alone in the car when I say it, or sometimes at work, but this 5-word question has become my question of the day, and that warrants some further attention. Ergo, this blog.

Seriously though, if I listen to the sound of the frustration as it goes screaming past my lips, yet again, the words that fly out are "what the hell was that"?

This is going to be both a place of observation and a place of judgement, because from what I've seen in the world lately, there're a whole lotta people who could use a tune-up, and I'm gonna out them.